Attaining Self Compassion vs. Perfection
Hello Beautiful People! Degemer mat (Welcome!)
"Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success."-Dale Carnegie
Perfectionism or seeking perfectionism seems all too common in our society; few of us are aware of how much damage perfectionism can do to our psychological well-being and chances of success. When we are constantly striving for what we believe is "perfect" and "right", we miss the opportunity to develop the resilience necessary to actually be successful.
The center of perfectionistic thinking often stems from the inevitable comparison trap we fall into while we are trying to build our self-esteem or perceived value. Our self-esteem is often contingent on career, education; personal successes, or failures. The race toward acquiring self-esteem can lead to fear and perfectionistic thinking that we are not simply good enough to be successful-this is where self-compassion comes in; learning to be self-compassion conditions you to be able to self-soothe. Increased self-compassion skills elevate emotional resilience, decrease narcissism, and anger which leads to more accurate self-appraisal of strengths and weaknesses. It is also the answer to perfectionistic thinking.
Let's get there...
Get yourself grounded
Many perfectionist individuals are anxious and work themselves into stress mode; they are smart but often are told that they get in their own way when change or a challenge presents itself. Your environment matters. Putting yourself in a quiet location without other distractions will help you feel safe enough to explore what your anxiety is really about.
Spend a moment (minimum 15 minutes) quietly meditating about the issue you are struggling with and notice what comes up for you If you need to focus on something, focus on your breathing. Notice how many counts it takes you to breathe in and how many counts to breathe out. If your thoughts are really spinning, try to lengthen the exhale.
On a scale of 1-10 rate your stress level on the issue you are dealing with; Getting a ranking of how bad the issue is for you will help guide you out of the emotional nature of fear and into a place where you are able to work with your thoughts.
Write a compassionate letter to yourself
Yes, I said it, write a letter to yourself. Who better knows you than you? who can best convey what you are feeling but you? so why not communicate with yourself? Writing a letter to yourself is a powerful way to process fear and other emotions that may have you stuck-writing to yourself may allow you to see the strengths and weaknesses of the situation you are dealing with.
Let's rate ourselves again
Check your progress, rate your stress level again, 1-10.
Do something fun
Joy is a necessary part of creative problem-solving. Staying with negative feelings too long does not help solve the issue; it continues to fuel your fear and anxiety. Taking time out for yourself to practice self-care, spending time with loved ones, indulging in the things you enjoy will help you learn to regulate your emotions better over time and will decrease the need to use perfectionism as a way to cope with your issues/anxiety.
What is stopping you from unleashing your self-compassion?