"Don't let your current circumstances make you think that you're not capable of creating a new reality for yourself."-Unknown
Beautiful People, Let's go!!!
It’s not easy to express our feelings and desires, especially in dating. Navigating that gray area between the first few dates and being exclusive can bring many challenges and difficult emotions. Why do they tell you they miss you but don’t text back for weeks? Why do they act like they don’t care but then act jealous when you move on? Why do they tell you they like you and then suddenly ghost you?
Sometimes, mixed signals are just a result of miscommunication — but they usually are a way of holding you at arm’s length. Being on the receiving end of confusing messages leaves us feeling lost and insecure. But keep in mind that you’re not to blame. You’re just dealing with someone who has a lot to figure out. The question you should ask yourself is: why haven’t you walked away? Why are you still putting up with such behavior?
What Do Mixed Signals Really Mean? Whether you’re looking for something casual or a committed relationship, inconsistency and mixed signals are always a warning sign. I have been both the person that gives them as well as the person that receives them and for me, the real reasons behind mixed signals are quite clear:
They’re not ready to be in a serious relationship;
They’re confused about their feelings for you;
They’re dealing with something personal;
They’re not focused on just you.
They don’t trust you.
Above all, people with this type of behavior are almost always trying to do one thing: avoiding intimacy at all costs. They may do it consciously or unconsciously, but they sabotage their relationships because they can’t stand the idea of opening up again. When I used to give off mixed signals, I was not aware that I was doing it, at least not in the beginning. However, I knew my behavior perfectly matched my overall intentions: I wanted some kind of closeness, but I didn’t want a real, serious commitment. I was afraid of getting in a relationship again, as I associated relationships with pain, fear, and anxiety. This is the thing: we’re talking about people who tend to have an avoidant attachment style. They carry a deep subconscious fear of love and intimacy.
Usually, avoidant individuals value their independence and self-sufficiency, because life has taught them that they can’t really rely on anyone else. So they put up these huge walls and push away anyone who tries to get too close; they deny things such as marriage, long term commitments-even the act of holding hands in public is unthinkable. They’re not ready for a serious relationship because they don’t want to be tied down, and detachment feels safer for them. They’re probably trying to deal with many unprocessed emotions from the past. Here’s the biggest paradox: deep down, they want to love and feel loved. Will they ever be ready? It’s impossible for you to know. But you can’t fix them or change them, no matter what you do. People change when they’re ready, not when you want them to.
It Always Comes Down To You The truth is, if you put up with people who treat you inconsistently, you probably should focus on yourself and work on your self-esteem. Why would you waste your time trying to decipher someone who’s not clear about their feelings for you? Why would you invest your energy in someone who shows interest, then drops off the face of the earth for a few weeks and repeats the same cycle? The only reason why you keep tolerating this behavior is that you also have your own issues that you should be dealing with. If you know your worth, and if you really loved yourself, you wouldn’t accept being treated in a way you know you don’t deserve.
You have to learn for yourself that this is not what a healthy relationship looks like and that you’re worthy of someone that treats you right and gives you all the certainty you need. The type of person you attract is a reflection of your deepest feelings. If you change how you feel about yourself, you’ll also change the people you attract into your life. Do you know what this means? It means that you probably also have an insecure attachment style, and you’ll keep attracting emotionally unavailable people until you’re brave enough to face your wounds. People with an anxious attachment style are extremely insecure, and they need constant validation and reassurance. They cling onto all the crumbs of love they get — which makes them the perfect partners for those who are emotionally unavailable. They believe that, if they finally get their love, they’ll be worthy of love. It’s time to be brutally honest with yourself: Is this your case?
“No one is going to treat you any better than you treat yourself. Set an example. Show that you make yourself a high priority and that you know you are someone deserving of great things. This means in all areas of your life, especially your relationships. You are special, you are worthy, and you should be surrounded by people who see that and treat you with that level of respect and admiration as well. When you get to the point where you are a partnership of equals, and you are with someone who builds you up instead of breaks you down, you are finally accepting the love you deserve.” Nikki Martinez, in Why We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve
Actions speak louder than words. If someone’s words lead you to believe that he or she is into you, but the actions tell you otherwise, listen to the actions. When someone is really interested in you, you will know. It will be clear. There won’t be mixed signals. Until then, focus on yourself. When you become the source of love in your own life, everything changes. Your relationships, your career, your health — it all grows and flourishes. Love yourself and the rest will follow.
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