Mindfulness Monday: Stressful Conversations
"Your greatest fears are created by your imagination. Don't give in to them."-Winston Churchill
Beautiful People! Let's Go!!
Right now, in times of such uncertainty, we are not that effective when it comes to comfort each other. With those of us figuring out our own strain of personal challenges brought on by the pandemic and social unrest, it is hard to get into a conversation that may produce added stress.
However, if you're stressed and trying to communicate with a partner whose stressed; honestly those conversations must entail a level of strategic thought or you will run the risk of additional stress.
Strategic thought? hell yes...there are a number of guiding factors that can make conversations less stressful for the both of you.
This isn't kiddie play; sometimes what is supposed to be an adult conversation morphs into one way dialogue or a lecture. It is important to create space for you and your partner to talk-this creates conversation instead of a lecture or possible confrontation.
Don't give uninvited advice
News flash: unless asked for, you do not need to be doling out advice unless you know for a FACT that your partner will welcome it. When you give advice to someone who didn't ask for it, it sends a message that out of the two of you, you're the one who is the next level thinker. Instead, take time to reflect on what you're partner may need and simply ask if you can provide input.
Display curiosity, listen intently with your eyes and body. Engagement permits you to see things from your partner's perspective and to a certain extent, shift your mindset as well.
Please communicate that you understand
There is nothing more powerful than affirming and validating what your partner is going through or dealing with; letting him or her know that you understand the struggle opens the door for additional more meaningful communication.
It's ok to take your partner's side
Look, these times are very isolating, and no one wants to feel alone or not understood. By siding with your partner, you are exercising empathy, support and showing him or her that the struggle does not have to be a lonely one. It's ok to have the "us against the world" it can be bonding, reasserting that the two of you are each other's top priority and choose to be together.
The action of affection/validating emotions
I believe in love language; holding hands, a reassuring kiss, or some other form of affection that your partner ascribes to; intimacy at its best. As humans in an intimate relationship, we want to have our feelings validated even if it is not understood or agreed upon, this is the foundation of emotional safety that eases that potentially stressful conversation.