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Yes, we can incorporate mindfulness into sex...

"There is no good way to waste your time. Wasting time is just wasting time."


Beautiful People!! Let's Go!!!


I do my best with my practice to hit home that the act of mindfulness can be applied to any and all aspects of life. For some strange reason, we don't think about utilizing mindfulness as it relates to sex and for me, it is almost mindboggling; here we are, a couple at our most vulnerable within the act of sex and yet we are not mindful?




hmmmmmm.....


Ok first, (because someone actually said this to me) "I should not be concentrating when I'm with my woman doing my thing" MINDFULNESS IS NOT AN ACT OF CONCENTRATION...It is being aware of what is and has been in your surroundings all along. If you have to concentrate to engage in sex, something is way wrong. MINDFULNESS IS NOT AN ASSESSMENT OR EVALUATION...Have you ever evaluated yourself, or had your mind wander, in the middle of a sexual encounter? Most people have. we call this mind-wandering “spectatoring,” and it diminishes sexual pleasure and orgasms. The two most common forms of spectatoring are evaluating and worrying about: 1) the way one’s body looks; and 2) one’s sexual “performance” (e.g., worries about “doing it right,” being a good lover, taking too long to orgasm, etc.). It’s almost impossible to have an orgasm if you’re thinking about such concerns. Instead, you need to switch your brain to “off mode.”



If mindfulness can make us happier, healthier, and more compassionate (that is, if the raft of current scientific research is to be believed), what can that same moment-to-moment awareness do for our sex lives? Imagine the possibilities.

On the face of it, having enjoyable, loving sex seems like the last thing we might be inclined to tune out. But we all know the kind of mind-wandering that can strike even in the midst of great pleasures. From a mental replay of the staff meeting earlier in the day to obsessing about the final luscious peak of the sex you’re having in that very moment, in lovemaking, as in life, tuning out is a part of being human that’s very difficult to turn off.




Turning your brain to “off-mode” can be accomplished with mindfulness, which is a simple but potent remedy for a lot of psychological problems. Mindfulness increases happiness, decreases depression, diminishes anxiety, and even helps people deal with chronic illness and pain. Most important for our purposes, research shows that it leads to better sex.


But before we go there, let’s admit: sex is tricky to talk about. It’s either too much information or not enough. And it’s probably the most subjective thing you’re likely to have an opinion on. (Substitute one little word in “I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like,” and you’ve got it just about right.)

It’s challenging because our sexuality is such an essential part of who we are. It’s an energy that flows through us whether we’re in a softly lit bedroom or not. And its energy we continually need to respond to and guide. (If we didn’t, chances are making chitchat with, say, your dry cleaner could develop into something pretty awkward and inappropriate.)


But get two people sharing some intimate space and toss in a little attraction, and “guide” doesn’t exactly cover it. The energy is palpable, positive, pleasurable. The very best sex happens when we tap into and are at play with that nearly untamable energy: yours, mine, ours. We don’t own it or possess it (or the other person, for that matter), but we get to dance with something more powerful than us for a little while. It’s the difference between chess and tango.


When we hear the word mindfulness, we have to understand that it is the presence of the heart.


That’s a good definition to keep in mind when it’s time to smash—because surely that’s when we most want our hearts to be present.


Mindful sex is when you’re totally and completely immersed in the physical sensations of your body. It doesn’t mean you’ll never have distracting thoughts. It means that you’re able to let these distracting thoughts go without getting stuck on them. It means you use the strategies described here to lead you fully back to your body’s ecstatic physical reactions.


Now, do you get the connection?


Here’s something else that’s important: Before applying mindfulness to your sex life, it’s best to get into the groove of it in your daily life. The better you get at achieving an in­-the-­moment state in general, the easier it will be for you to achieve the same state during sex. Learning to immerse in your sensations while doing daily activities will enable you to better do so during sex.


Here’s something else that’s important: Before applying mindfulness to your sex life, it’s best to get into the groove of it in your daily life. The better you get at achieving an in­-the-­moment state in general, the easier it will be for you to achieve the same state during sex. Learning to immerse in your sensations while doing daily activities will enable you to better do so during sex.





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