Leveling up intimacy....
"Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about."-Unknown
Beautiful People! Let's Go!!!
Intimacy is an important part of our relationships, but it can be hard to maintain when we (along with our partners) are facing the pressures and struggles of everyday life. In order for us to maintain this physical and emotional closeness, we have to make time for one another, but we also have to be compassionate, open, and vulnerable with one another.
Are you and your partner struggling to get close? Is your intimacy beginning to fail, or disappearing altogether? You can bring back that sense of togetherness, but you’re both going to have to work together and open up your minds and your hearts. Spot the signs of failing intimacy and then act fast and in unison. Be honest. Explore your limits together. And fall back in love with each other and the connection that you share.
Intimacy is an important cornerstone. Our relationships thrive on intimacy. This bond is one that crosses both the physical and emotional plane. It’s not all sex and physical closeness. Intimacy also encompasses our emotional closeness and the vulnerability we exercise with one another. We need to be intimate with one another in order to hold our partnerships together. Without it, we falter and separate. If your goal is to come back together, you need to think about increasing your intimacy.
Failing intimacy is a frustrating experience that lends itself to a lot of resentment and misunderstandings. When one partner pulls away or shuts down, it can be hard to accept or make sense of. In order to wade our way through the murky waters of intimate distancing, we have to be honest with one another and communicate willingly and often. The people we choose to build a life with can be incredible support when we’re struggling to keep our heads above water. In order for them to be there for us, though, we have to open up to them. Stop running from the warning signs that are everywhere around you. Wake up and start recognizing the symptoms of a relationship that struggling to remain close. Accept where you’re at and find a way to come together in order to get your happiness (and your romance) back on track the right way. Signs your intimacy is beginning to fail.
Failing intimacy is a relationship killer and one we should try to avoid at all costs. Before you and your partner can get back on track, though, you need to understand the warning signs of a failing connection all around you.
Crumbling communication Communication is a cornerstone of any strong, stable, and healthy partnership. When we love one another, we talk to one another. This communication is both light and heavy; serious and carefree. Without talking to one another, we can’t stay focused and side-by-side as life challenges us and moves us forward. Communication is key at every stage of our relationship.
Zero physical connection What is your physical connection like with your partner? Do you have a lot of fun in the bedroom? Are you in-sync, open, and willing to try new things with one another? Our sexual tastes and preferences can change as we age and experience new things. We have to be open about these changes with our partners, and open to exploring new things when their own changes arise. This isn’t to say we have to be pushed past our boundaries, though.
Inability to be vulnerable Do you and your partner struggle to be vulnerable with one another? When something is going wrong in your life, do you share it with them or keep it to yourself? It’s important that we feel safe enough to be vulnerable with our partners. When we open up, we are being emotionally intimate with our partners. This type of intimacy helps to cement the bonds we build together and helps us to better hold empathy and understanding for one another.
Avoiding the obvious Our partnerships undergo a lot of tests and adversity throughout the time we share them, and some of those tests are major while others are minor. When something as big as intimacy becomes an issue, we have a tendency to avoid it because it’s so uncomfortable and so hard for us to voice. These are exactly the types of problems we must deal with first, however, as they are some of the most corrosive and toxic (leading to even larger and more complicated issues later on down the road.
Loss of affection How affectionate are you and your partner with one another? Do you perform little physical gestures that allow the other person to know you’re still interested? Do you leave them little notes, or send sweet texts, that still makes it clear you want them in a very physical and a very emotional way? Affection makes all the difference when it comes to maintaining intimacy. Think of it as small reminders that reaffirm your commitment and your passion for the other person. Gestures, which cost you little to give.
Pulling and pushing away Along with avoidance, we have an uncanny way of pulling and pushing away when we sense something (like intimacy problems) happening in our relationships. Perhaps you feel the divide and decide to push your partner away by fighting with them or engaging in repulsive behavior. Likewise, you may decide to pull away on your own — shutting down emotionally and separating from your partner in the same regard.
Endless frustrations Have you noticed a rise in frustrations lately? Are you and your partner fighting all the time or otherwise at odds with one another? This awkwardness and increased conflict often result from corrupted intimacy that has been left unaddressed. Perhaps one (or both) of you isn’t getting what you want, so you lash out in resentment and irritation. These frustrations are powerful, but they will threaten your partnership if not confronted and put to rest.
The best ways to increase your intimacy again. You and your loved one don’t have to accept a crumbling sense of intimacy. You can come back together and patch up the holes in your togetherness. It’s going to take work, though, and a commitment to having the tough conversations, creating some excitement again, and keeping compassion always in your sights.
1. Have emotional conversations The first step in healing any potential rifts in your intimacy is opening yourselves up to honest and emotional conversations. It’s not always easy to admit when something is off, but it’s a necessary first step in figuring out the right path to healing. The more candid and honest with one another we are (more often) the easier it becomes to stay connected and on the same page when it comes to our intimate needs in the bedroom and beyond.
Sit your partner down when you’re both feeling comfortable and safe, and open up to them about how you’re feeling. Explain what you’re concerned about and stay focused on your own thoughts and feelings. Avoid blaming language and try to keep yourself centered on a resolution. Don’t hold back on your uncomfortable thoughts or feelings, but avoid any unnecessary language that heightens emotions or otherwise makes it difficult to connect. Once you’ve taken up enough space to explain yourself, make room for your partner to do the same. Question how your lacking intimacy is affecting them, and question anything that might be going on in their lives to contribute to the growing distance that’s spreading between you.
2. Create some excitement again More often than not, we find that our intimacy issues don’t come down to any big conflict or difficulty. Generally, we just get so caught up in our own personal issues that we start to drift apart; our minds and hearts totally preoccupied with the stress and pressures of our own daily lives. When all we do is focus on all these negative things, it takes over. We have to break out of this cycle and create some excitement for one another again in order to break out of the rut. Pull yourselves out of those same old routines and break up the monotony. Give yourselves something to look forward to and do something new and big together. Travel somewhere new. Invest in a new experience together. There’s no right or wrong way to create excitement again, you just have to make yourself get up and do it.
No one is going to make your relationship better for you. No one is going to swoop in and magically bring you and your partner closer together. That’s work that the two of you have to do, and it’s work that can be helped along by bringing that spark back into your relationship. Break out of that sense of monotony and bring back that sense of youthful excitement again. Spice things up and mix things up so that you can see one another in a new light.
3. Intentionally make time If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a long time, then the chances are that the two of you have a number of obligations that can get in the way of connecting (and reconnecting). Maybe you both work stressful jobs with long hours. Maybe it’s kids, or pets, or your own family responsibilities that pull you away from one another. If you want to get intimate again, then you intentionally have to make time for one another and you have to do it all the time.
Don’t allow yourselves to get bogged back down in the same old routines after you’ve just done all that work to bring the excitement back. Find time for one another and make it a daily occurrence. Have coffee and a chat in the morning. Sit down and share a drink and your day at night. Weekly date nights and monthly travel plans too are a great way to stay connected. When our intimacy begins to fade, it’s often because we don’t feel like we know the person we’re standing next to anymore. Correct this distance with committed time together. Be present. Enjoy yourself. Talk, laugh, have fun. There’s no right or wrong way to spend time together. You just need to do it (in some way) every day.
4. Explore your limits together Are you and your partner struggling to connect in the bedroom? Have things become so awkward that you don’t even bother anymore? Sexual intimacy is important, and it really helps to cement the bond of understanding and vulnerability that we share with one another. A lot of our sexual intimacy comes down to our sexual compatibility, however, and that’s something that has to be explored and re-explored over time.
Get back in the bedroom and explore your sexual chemistry and compatibility. What you liked at the beginning of your relationship may not be the same thing that you like at the end of the relationship. Educate yourself and look into the things that you’re interested in, then open up to your partner and find ways to explore your curiosity safely (and consensually).
It’s very important, though, that you don’t make it all about you. Just as your fantasies and desires may change over time, understand that your partner’s sexual desires and appetites may change too. Be open with them, ask them questions, and show a willingness and a desire to connect with them. If you feel like something is crossing your boundaries, be honest — but don’t shut your partner down before you’ve both had a chance to feel things out.
5. Base your expectations on reality So much of our intimate relationships are based on expectations. We expect our partners to be understanding and supportive of the way we feel. We expect them to have fun with us in the bedroom, and to show up with us to family events and major holidays. A lot of our expectations are based more on our hopes than on reality, however. Part of getting back on the same page means eliminating those things which are limiting our connection to one another.
Release your unrealistic expectations and keep focused on your inner compassion and your empathy for one another. The best way to move forward is with understanding and the best intentions for all parties involved. Both of you deserve to be happy, but you’re going to have to work together (and apart) to get there.
Shed those expectations which have been built upon someone else’s standard of “perfect”. Look inward and fully realize what it is that really matters to you when it comes to physical and emotional intimacy. Once you have a handle on what you really expect, share those expectations with your partner. You can’t hope for them to provide something they aren’t aware of. Lay it all out on the table and then work together to find a middle ground that works for all parties involved.
Putting it all together… Intimacy is an important part of every relationship, and this ranges across the physical and emotional planes. As partners, we are longing to connect with one another. This connection, however, can be thrown off by the pressures and responsibilities of our personal lives. Are you and your partner desperate to get back into the bedroom (and back into one another’s hearts)? Commit to action and move toward one another with honesty and action.
Sit down and have some emotional and honest conversations with one another. Share what you think is going wrong and talk about how you both want to set it right. Failing intimacy isn’t forever. It’s usually just a result of two people who are too distracted to sit down and connect. Free yourself from the monotony of all the endless pressure and inject some excitement and spontaneity back into your relationship. Intentionally make time for another and fill that space with love, not stress, as much as possible. Explore your limits together and get back on the same page in the bedroom and beyond. Reshape your expectations and set some standards you both can agree to live up to. If your intimacy is failing, put a stop to it by coming back together in love and vulnerability. Open up the right way and do it often.